Wherever You Go, There They Are

After a while, you get used to it. The fact that wherever you go, there they are. Targets of this activity catch on to that fairly quick. Because it's been six years and a few months since I was struck by a series of extremely traumatic events that awakened me to this new form of bullying-on-steroids, I've grown accustomed to them being around and not going away. The upside is that you really do realize they cannot touch you or physically harm you. You can still continue on in life, it's just that you'll have to constantly protect yourself psychologically. This takes a lot of work, but overtime, they and the games they play fade to the background. Targets can overcome this!

To give readers an idea of just how far they will go to be ridiculous, annoying and irritating, I'll offer the following personal experiences. These are pretty specific to my experience and, I'm sure other targets can tell similar stories.

In a desperate attempt to seek methods for keeping calm, focused and busy (for lack of a better term), I sought out many physical activities like yoga and spinning (bike exercise at available at most gyms). My hope was that whoever was involved in playing mind games, skits, etc, would not actually show up in such places. I thought I'd find sanctuary and escape. I was wrong. I will say this upfront, these activities in and of themselves do actually  help keep you focused, busy and pre-occupied so that  your brain is not focused on what they are doing to you all the time. But they will show up so that before or after (and in some cases, during) they will probably do something to disrupt the experience. Here's what happened in some of my classes:

1. This is a bit of a drawn-out scenario/story, but this actually happened. (I would never think of this on my own). OK. So, I was initially 'hit' in January of 2011. Around March of that year, I was running around like crazy believing I needed to get out and be social and around people as much as possible, believing I needed to network with new people or that there would be safety in numbers. As a result, I decided to attend a function I learned about through Facebook (I no longer Facebook--got rid of it by May or June of 2011). The event was described as a woman who was a heart surgeon who had found another calling as a musician. She would be playing at a studio on West Philadelphia, which is known for servicing communities that are more collective-based, communal and activist-based. I attended this event. While there, the woman went on and on about how she loved being a heart surgeon and felt so fortunate to have found a way to be able to travel around the United States to promote her 'other love'--music. Basically, this 'heart surgeon' magically found time to go on a musical tour. That's fine. I kind of wondered about it and how it could be done, but I mean, who knows. This is only half the story. Fast forward almost two or two-and-a-half years later. In that time period, I began practicing yoga. Again, this was in hopes of transcending whatever was going on. I'd always wanted to do yoga and this experience, oddly, forced me to try things I was too afraid to try before. (Oddly, that is the upside) During most sessions,  the instructor would say something before class, whether it be uplifting, inspiring, whatever. One day, an instructor came in who I'd never taken class with before. This person began a pre-class story or monologue. The instructor said, melodramatically, "You know. When I was younger I always dreamt of being a heart surgeon and a musician. To be able to do both would be such a dream...." 

--What are the odds? Most kids never even think about being a heart surgeon. In general,  you don't hear that too often. In addition, even if a child were brought up in a medical family, the idea of being a musician AND a heart surgeon doesn't often fit in the realm of possibility and reality. Maybe play music at home on the side as  fun hobby, but not touring the united states on some underground circuit. While it seems silly, a target who's been highly manipulated and scared to death (quite literally) will be very freaked out that this was done. The implication is that this person teaching this class knew I (the target) attended the musical event two years earlier and decided to use that information to be, well, a jackass, in the front of the class teaching, of all things, yoga. This goes against everything yoga stands for. Everything. Why that instructor did it is a mystery to me. I can only guess that this instructor wanted to prove something to whatever network it is that participates in this activity. Meaning, the instructor was showing off or gaining rank or impressing others by choosing to be 'cold blooded.'  This is a great example of what they do and how drawn out it is. The instructor reached back two years to use info from the beginning of my 'hit.'  Pretty weird.

In addition, very often I would leave yoga classes and the bike I rode to the classes would have it's handles turned around backwards, or it would be on the ground and still locked to the pole I locked it too. In some cases, the only available place to lock my bike was on a single pole as opposed to a normal bike stand. This allows those participated (who know you went to yoga) to come along and mess with your belongings.  (I love yoga, so I'm not in any way saying don't do yoga. Yoga actually helps if you can ignore whoever participates and happens to show up to your classes. Even if you can practice at home, it helps. The breathing techniques reduce anxiety and bring your mind into focus. This enables you to control your own mind. The people participating are working hard to control your mind. Yoga does offer a way out of that)

I've also had my personal items moved around in the cubby-hole area, which is common to most yoga studios. At a different studio, I had a friendly conversation with the receptionist about my winter gloves. It was winter at the time and I mentioned that I was glad I didn't forget them because it was so cold outside. I placed my gloves, shoes, etc in one of the many cubby holes where class attendees place their belongings. After class, I returned to my cubby hole to find that a glove was missing. I searched high and low, asked around for a minute (all the while knowing this was a tactic 'they' use) and finally found it all the way over, and around the corner of the reception area, near a bench where some people put their shoes. Someone moved it. Someone who heard the conversation, or the receptionist herself. I have no idea why I was targeted to begin with, I didn't know anyone personally in that yoga studio, so I have  no idea how they justify what they do.


Spinning Class For a while, taking spinning classes was a way to keep busy. Many gyms offer these classes, which involve stationary bikes and varying speeds and tension settings for getting a good cardiovascular workout. Some of these people who play this weird 'game' would show up and maybe find a seat next to you and wear a t-shirt that might mock something you looked up on the Internet the day before, sometimes they showed up extra early to take the bike I'd grown accustomed to using. Or, a whole bunch of people would show up way early and take almost every bike seat, leaving one up front, knowing I really didn't like being upfront. (I would try to get to class early so that I could hide in the back and just workout--for many people to show up before me would be unusual)

There was one instructor who created an entire class dialogue that basically emphasized all thoughts and feelings that a target would experience/believe/think while being heavily attacked. This one is difficult to explain. Whatever these people can do, in some cases it seems very advanced. As if they can utilize some kind of higher mentality or technology to pull it off. All I can say is, based on what the instructor was saying during one class, I almost burst out into tears because the entire 'script' she used that day addressed in a nuanced way much of what I'd been experiencing. The instructor would say things like "Just remember! This is simply a blip on the radar for you! You can get through this. It'll all be over soon and you won't even remember what happened."  While these words can be applied to a grueling spinning class, the way in which the instructor said it in addition to the music being played and the giggles and glances from those participating, the instructor made it obvious that these words were directed toward the target in the room.

These are pretty good examples of what is constantly occurring in a target's life day-in and day-out. The 'games' never stop, though they've quieted down for me, six years after the initial hit.

I'm glad to have remembered and documented some of the more specific examples of what they do. Some activity exists (much like the last example I gave) that is much more difficult to explain or describe. It does seem as if there is a higher level of ability (sorry to say because I don't see these people as being intelligent, but rather as being irresponsible) going on. How they acquired this ability is not known to me. Some might have been born into intelligence families, or maybe they practice some form of dark arts. I don't know. All I know is that I've been aware that they can do this very easily and if they wanted to make it worse for a target, they could. It almost seems effortless for them. Giving them power is not my desire at all, but recognizing that they would up with these abilities and will use them out of desperation is good to know for those of us who don't have whatever abilities and knowledge they have.

Again, it's important as a target to keep in mind that it might also be true that if you don't them reason or cause to justify their actions, they can't do anything further. They are limited in that sense. Technically, targets might be above them from a moral point of view. In that way, they are restricted in how much they can do. If you drop those 'morals' and act out, they would see it as fair game to increase attack.

Always, peace, love, and awareness that if you aren't one of them, you're better off in the long-run. :o)