What Happened Today-this Holiday Weekend Easter/Passover

For the most part, it seems the high level of torment I've been receiving since the fourth week of January 2011 has lessened. Tactics still occur on a daily basis, but at a lowered intensity and, because I'm so used to it now, it has less impact on me. In a way, targets become desensitized to the activity out of pure survival. An example I used in a previous post, about people sidling up at the cashier when a target pays for her food, actually happened just yesterday when I ran over to a Walgreens to get a much needed jug of water.

Today, it is Easter Sunday and is one day away from the end of Passover. I am a dog walker and pet sitter, in addition to writing, and returned home this morning after spending the night at a client's house while he was away. He needed a sitter for his small dog. I returned home and have had a pretty quiet day. However, I had one more walk today at dinner time. After picking up that dog, I walked one of my  usual routes and passed by a glass door that is the back entrance to a parking garage. I live in Philadelphia, Pa. It's a fairly big city with many parking garages around. As I passed the glass door to the back area of the garage (I was heading North), I noticed (this is real, sorry for the graphic) a feminine hygiene douche on the sidewalk next to the door. I looked down at it because, of all things, this is one of the more unusual items to be on the ground. At the same time, I noticed my reflection in the glass door.

It gets difficult to explain exactly how orchestrated harassment works, but those who employ it know their targets' weaknesses. I grew up with the typical body image issues that many women deal with. In addition, I spent the first six years of this experience not wanting to use a camera or microphone or anything of the like because I didn't want to be like "those" people who seem to be watching all the time! At some point, I became convinced that wearing a small camera while I walked dogs was probably a good idea just to see if those who participate would finally stop. With this in mind, I'll explain how the douche and the reflection served as two psyche-outs.

1. The Douche--A target knows the context of everything happening in his or her experience. Relaying that to anyone not involved is extremely difficult. But, the douche is a reference to the target, me in this case, being a douche for, I guess, using a camera. It could be in reference to other things...like having a period, or even many other things. For instance, if you ever use a FedEx.Print. store, you realize there are periods used as punctuation in the logo. Periods, in my research and odd revelation of what's going on, are often used by the Federal Government in logos of anything they own--and that could include a restaurant, a print shop, a coffee shop, etc. The feds own a lot of things that don't come close to looking Federal. I have no idea. But the reference gets under my skin as to what is happening in my situation. I'm clueless, but I know someone put the douche there on purpose and wanted me to see it and also to look at my reflection. (I've never signed up to be part of the government, I don't know anything about the government, but it can feel like targets are being used by the government without consent. Just speculation) The douche implying I'm being a douche for taking one step to protect myself after six years of relentless torment. Relentless. It took me forever to even learn what kind of camera to buy, how to use it....it's not my natural style. But the activity has subsided and what does happen is, in fact, documented. This has actually given me peace of mind. Much needed if you go through this. I'd much rather have someone come talk to me to explain what this is and why people do it.


2. The reflection can also mean multiple things. For the past several years, I've grown into someone who green juices very often, makes fruit smoothies, has gone almost vegan aside from Kefir and the occasional yogurt. I do yoga and have developed strength as a result. But I grew up overweight and struggled for years trying to look a certain way. At first, when I was younger, any weight loss efforts were about vanity, but over time, it became about health. Today, it's all about health and, in this case, survival. Better food/whole foods/living foods, maintain healthy cells. If someone finds herself under this bizarre psychological attack, those cells will deteriorate in the brain and elsewhere very quickly. This experience (if you look at the silver lining) teaches people to respect their vessels. Treat your body well. It doesn't mean I'm perfect. During the winter, I got onto a kick of eating a lot of tempeh burgers. Yum!!! If you're vegetarian, these taste really good. But they can, I guess, pack on a few pounds because there's more to them than green juicing. Prior to that I green juiced so much...and I was running around a lot, so I'd lost a lot of weight. I was also doing yoga religiously, which transforms the body big time. I'm fine with my weight, but I know I don't look as thin as I did when I was spending so much time green juicing, doing yoga and riding my bike from dog walk to dog walk. The reflection in the door reminded me a bit of that. I'm ok with how I look. I'm beyond the mind game. But it's a mind game open the pathways in targets brains to being disliking themselves. The idea of perpetrators is to get targets into the mindset that they're not good enough, they need to do more, they're lazy, they're doing things wrong...etc. For targets out there, the perps are trying to mess with your brain to send you spiraling into despair. Absolutely, being active is good. Trying to be Beyoncé or Taylor Swift or anyone depicted in media is ridiculous. Most of us do not have the amount of handling and support that those people have to keep them appearing a certain way to the public. Truth is, during their down times, they may not look anything like what we are led to believe. Also, most of us are not in the circles that allow us to achieve that 'level of success.'  To read every magazine cover on what to do or not to do to be this or that is a brainwash for the most part. Finding contentment within oneself is key.

I just wanted to share with you that what happened today is a pure example of what they do. There is a mysterious element at play. Sometimes it can feel like they somehow know where you will walk so as to place such an item in your path. If that makes sense. I've had things happen that were so bizarre I was convinced there was a chip in the dog I walked so that they'd "handle their business" at someone's address on purpose!  As if revenge from one rich family to another. Swear to God!!!  Laugh if  you will, but I've been walking dogs so long, especially because of this, some of the activity that happens does seem metaphysical or beyond the normal person's comprehension. It can get weird, but it seems that by keeping your wits about you and not allowing the onslaught of activity and inexplicable events, you can beat whatever it is they do. In a sense, you rise above it, mentally.

Peace, Love, and all Good Things. :o)